The Internet Is Redefining “Third Base” And Honestly, The Results Will Make Your Prude Grandparents SO Happy
For decades upon decades, young people have debated what the true meaning of "third base" is when it comes to dating and hooking up. Some used the term in reference to a sexual act, while others used it to define how far their new relationship has gone emotionally.
Well, this article probably isn't going to help that debate because the internet weighed in on the topic and it's absolutely hilarious. Hundreds of people threw in their interpretations of the term and, once again, the internet won the battle.
The Social Media Dump
Once you get to the point in a relationship when you feel the need to start blocking each other on social media, you're not only at third base — you're running past it.
Before Facebook and Instagram, you could break up with someone and never have to see them again. Now, you get to see everything they're doing at basically any given time. Blocking is the only way to completely delete someone from your life.
When Their Therapist Knows More About You Than You Know About Yourself
If you're the reason that the person you're in a relationship with is going to therapy, I think it's safe to say you've reached third base.
If someone's therapist already has an opinion on you and knows your entire childhood because they bring you up so much, you've basically hit a home run.
Dog First, Proposal Second
Okay, this is a big step for a relationship. If you end up meeting their dog, you can basically start planning the wedding.
The puppy meet-and-greet is a big sign of a fully committed relationship that often gets overlooked because of the excitement. Coming up, someone's idea of third base revolves around a six-second video and weird humor.
The Most Stressed You'll Ever Be
I don't know if you've ever had someone hold your unlocked phone, but it is an entirely different level of stress.
All of the sudden you get all the flashbacks to everything bad that's stored on your device, and it's terrifying. From all the foul-mouthed texts with your best friend to the embarrassing pictures, it's not good.
It's A Vulnerable Thing To Do
I can honestly say that there's nothing more embarrassing than having someone read your own tweets or Facebook statuses out loud.
Once someone feels comfortable enough to do such a devastating thing in your presence, it means that you're probably almost at the wedding planning stage. Otherwise, this stunt is a relationship ruiner.
"Look At All These Chickens"
You can tell a lot about a person depending on the Vines that they liked. If they were the type who only watched six-second music covers, that tells you they're mildly crazy and have 16 Justin Bieber tour t-shirts.
If they only watched fail videos, that usually means that they have some serious issues internally with their parents. It's about variety. Coming up, someone thinks third base involves taking your crush to where you're most comfortable (probably Starbucks).
A Subtle Cross-Room Makeout
The whole idea of butterfly kisses is great. You can literally be making out with each other across a room by pretending you have something stuck in your eye.
With that being said, the whole butterfly kiss thing becomes problematic when you unexpectedly actually get something in your eye and bae thinks you're trying to kiss and it just gets really sloppy.
But Are They Allowed To Touch It?
While this is a big step for many people and it may seem a bit extreme to even share your rock collection with someone, it's not a full home run just yet.
The full home run is when they allow you to actually touch and maybe even pet the rocks. That might be a bit too forward but to each their own.
I'll Have The Ugg Boots Latte, Please
Taking your crush or partner to the food places where you feel most comfortable makes you very vulnerable.
When you're at a McDonald's every day and your "usual" is a Big Mac with large fries and a large Coca-Cola, it could be a red flag. This is a big step, but one that eventually does have to be done. Coming up, a person's third base revolves around the internet search bar, and it's so relatable.
Let's Hope You Don't Hate Feet
I don't know about you, but in my books, this is a home run. Nobody is touching me with their stinky feet unless I'm living the rest of my life with them.
If I'm even one percent unsure about the fact that we might eventually break-up, you can keep your toes 10 feet (no pun intended) away from me at all times, please and thank you.
Couples That Protest Together Stay Together
Protesting with someone should really be a home run, but for the sake of consistency in the article, we'll say it's just third base.
The amount of effort, energy, and emotion that you have to put into protesting is unmatched. When you fight for the same causes, it's a good sign that your relationship is in good standing.
This Is Insanely Dangerous And Possibly NSFW
Oh boy, this could ruin your reputation really quickly with someone you just started dating or have a crush on.
If the first website that pops up when you hit the search bar is www.howtokillanewboyfriend.com, it might make for, at the very least, an awkward dinner conversation. When you start sharing conspiracy theories, it's safe to say you might be at third base. A person coming up agrees.
The Worst Years Of Your Life
I don't care what anyone says, middle school was the worst time of our lives and we didn't even know it.
While some people peak in high school, NOBODY peaks in middle school. We all look like deranged gremlins and act like maniacal animals because we're just getting introduced to hormones.
That's Worse Than Socks And Sandals
While most people make fun of people who wear socks and sandals or Crocs, they're missing the real crime.
Anyone who casually wears around those toe shoes which make you look like a swamp monster should be in prison. There, I said it, and you won't be able to change my mind.
When The Conspiracy Theories Come Out
People are like onions — we all have layers that aren't necessarily exposed, but with time they will be.
And, just like peeling an onion, the more layers down you go, the more tears that are forced from your eyeballs. Sharing your conspiracy theories is one of the last layers you can get to, so this relationship must be solid. A girl, her pore strip, and Snapchat are all involved in the third base theory coming up.
I'm An Asparagus And You're A Caprisun, We're Not Compatible
Honestly, if someone even brings up a horoscope as proof in a legitimate biological or scientific argument, that should be a red flag immediately.
Yes, Becky, we get it, Leos and Geminis should never date because it ALWAYS ends up in someone being brutally murdered. That's settled. Science!
This Was A Rough Time For Us All
Can we just talk about this moment in time for a second? This wasn't just sad to watch, it was heartbreaking.
Seeing Britt walking around with a shaved head and acting just blatantly insane personally hurt me. Thank God she's back to her old self.
Au Natural
We should all be thankful for Snapchat because it acts as a little window into what people are really like before you fully commit to them.
It starts off with filters that make you look good, then dog filters, then distorting filters and then just au natural trash. That's the natural progression of flirting on Snapchat.
So, We Need To Talk
Third base is when every little minor inconvenience results in a deep conversation that ends up coming back to whether you hate each other or not.
You could accidentally drop a butter knife on the kitchen floor and somehow she'll turn it into if that was the straw that broke the camel's back on the relationship.
Public Verbal Brawls
At first, you want the optics of your relationship to look like everything is perfectly wonderful.
Any fights you have with each other is done in private, and even best friends aren't aware of the what's going on behind the scenes. Third base, on the other hand, is when you take your boxing gloves to the CVS.
