Like A Kid Who Can’t Catch Trying Out For A Baseball Team, These People Need To Be Cut From Your Life Immediately
Some people are in your life to help drive you forward. They're the motivators and the ones that you can lean on when you're feeling down. They're the ones that cover up for you even when they know you're in the wrong. They're your ride or dies.
Then, there are the people who drag you down with negative energy. They constantly try to take the easy way out of everything, including your friendship. You question how they can even put one foot in front of the other some days. These are the ones who you need to cut from your life.
Roommates Are The Worst
It's no surprise that living with a roommate can be a difficult task for even the easiest going person. When your roommate does stuff like this to avoid having to clean, all hell can break loose.
In their defense, this is a very smart band-aid solution to having to do the dishes which is widely considered the worst chore.
I Feel Like There Are Other Steps
There are so many other things you can use before ketchup should enter your mind as a potential bookmark.
You can use toilet paper, money, a pen, a pencil, heck, you can even use a little sibling if you have to. Ketchup stains the book, and also it would add a creepy aesthetic to a murder mystery book.
Uh, Hannah?
So this should be grounds to immediately go to the authorities and report Hannah. Hannah should not hate butterflies as much as she does. They've done nothing to her.
If any of my friends ever talked highly of microwaving insects for fun, I'm sleeping with a knife beside my bed because I give it three days from that talk before they come to get me.
UGGS? Really?
So there is so much wrong here. If you're going to a funeral PLEASE don't ever wear Uggs. I'd rather have someone wear Crocs to my funeral because at least they're breathable and comfy.
Also, don't pose on a casket the same way you would pose in front of a palm tree on vacation. It's mildly unsettling.
A Mental Evaluation Needs To Be Conducted
So there is something seriously wrong with someone who does this. Pizza is to be eaten one way, and one way only.
My guess is that this is the same type of person that says it's completely normal and okay to put pineapple on pizza when it's absolutely not.
Boys Rule, Girls Drool
Ah, droolers. They're everywhere but can go undetected fairly easily. Look beside you, they're probably a drooler too.
Here's how you can tell whether someone is a drooler before they actually give you evidence first-hand. Ask them if they're a mouth breather instead of a nose breather and if they are, BINGO, say bye to them immediately.
Incompetence At Its Finest
People who read something and then don't process it correctly are common. We all have our moments of just pure stupidity, but this text conversation is next level.
Another reason to cut this person out of your life is that they can't stay on a bike unless it's going faster than 2 mph which shows lack of balance. Lack of balance on a bike equals lack of balance in life.
Living For The 'Gram
Some people will do anything for a good Instagram picture. If your friendship is based around going out and taking pictures with minimal interaction it's probably time to move on.
This girl is willing to sacrifice her broth for a perfectly angled picture and it's really cringe to have to look at.
People Who Have A Lazy Work Ethic
So here's the thing. If you're going to be a burglar and hang around with me, at least be a good one. There needs to be some effort involved on your part to ensure that you don't make it easy.
There's just no dedication to the game by coloring your face in marker. Heck, wear underwear on your head if you have to — that would make it WAY harder to identify you.
Chronic Pain
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Honestly, for anyone who is in chronic pain right now and there's no reason for it, now you know.
You were blessed with good genes and perhaps some bad luck on the pain scale. Can we also talk about how incredibly effortless this mirror selfie pose is for this grandma? A slight head tilt with a stiff phone holding arm. Flawless.
Get Your Priorities Straight
People who don't have their priorities straight have no use being in your life anymore. Anyone who picks a night in over a night out or Britney over Madonna need to be shown the door.
This guy can't decide if he wants to be a sheep and follow the heard in camouflage, or stand out and be the star, like a crossing guard on top.
Well, That's Exotic
Let's be honest here, the English language is very confusing. Lion and loin are spelled almost the same but mean completely different things. One of them is the king of the jungle while the other is a major muscle along the central spine of a pig.
This person thinks they're eating a Lion but that's definitely not the case. What would lion taste like anyway? I don't want to know.
Tomato, Tomat-oh
The age-old debate of nature vs. nurture. If your parents can't spell or know how to use proper English grammar, you're in for a long haul at school.
It's one thing for the kid to get this wrong (we all do every once in a while) it's another thing for the fact-checker or parent to also be getting it wrong.
Are You In Love With A Skin Care Product?
When someone is a stage five clinger, or in other words, an irrational stalker, they need to be let go.
To answer this person's question, Mario Badescu probably does make this person really happy which is why they bought it in the first place. That overreaction is awkwardly humiliating.
*Preemptively Calls Fire Department*
There's nothing wrong with wanting to live life on the edge, but at least have a harness. This guy is jumping off naked and hoping for a soft landing in some trees.
Sometimes you have to cut friends off that you feel like could kill you every time you go out or do something with them.
You and a friend have two motor scooters, and one breaks down. How do you get both back home?
Karma Is Served Swiftly
Just because you drive a nice car doesn't mean that you're invincible. How many times do you see someone who is rich think they are above basic science? A lot.
This person was presumably in a rush and tried to troubleshoot traffic and it backfired brilliantly.
That's... That's Never Been A Thing?
You need to surround yourself with people who can easily detect BS information and not just give into everything.
Anyone who believes that putting their phone in the microwave and turning it on somehow charges it shouldn't be 500 feet from anyone, not to mention you.
The "It'll Fit' Friend
We all have that one friend who overpacks EVERYTHING and brings their twenty suitcases into your Smartcar for a one night casino night an hour away.
They're the same friends who will basically set the hotel on fire and tell everyone to chill out it's not a big deal and everybody is overreacting.
Fedoras As A General Rule Are A No
So, anyone who has ever even entertained the idea of wearing a fedora or even trying one on should be cut from your friend list.
NO ONE, not even Al Capone, could pull off a fedora and he could pull off any murder he wanted to. Sorry dude, but that hat has to go.
The Slowest Line Of All Time
You need to evacuate everyone who isn't observant right out of your life. Yes, these mannequins are about as lively and talkative as millennials these days but that line isn't going anywhere. Chill millennials I'm kidding.
If a person I was on a first date with ended up getting fooled like this, I'd turn into a Navy Seal real quick as I quickly make my way to the exit undetected.
