If These Hilariously Snarky Note-Writers Wrote A Novel They’d Be NYT Best Sellers In A Heartbeat
It's a special talent to be able to convey your story on a piece of paper in an elegant, yet entertaining way. Being able to write a strongly-worded and effective note is becoming an art of the past as technology quickly engulfs us.
Thankfully, there are still brilliant wordsmiths that aren't just seen on the best seller's list. They're actually our neighbors and co-workers. If you don't believe me, just wait until you see all of the angry notes that are compiled in this article because they'll have you rolling in laughter.
This Is Actually Very True
There are many low and selfish acts that can be done, but this has got to top the list. Who steals plants?
I'll tell you who, a serial killer. I'm not a scientist or a doctor, but this has to be the first sign that someone has dead bodies in their basement. Again, no studies to prove this but I'm going with my gut feeling here.
That Went From 0-100 Real Quick
I'm all about making baseless threats to ensure that someone doesn't put dog crap in your cans, but this got dark real quick.
I feel like there are a few steps that can be taken before going right to chopping off their head and bolting it to the front of your car. I don't know, but a verbal negotiation seems reasonable.
Honestly, We Can All Use One Of Those
It's actually becoming a bit of an epidemic that packages are being stolen from front porches.
These thieves know that they can hit the jackpot on an expensive item, but fortunately, that wasn't the case here. Although, I will say that a water bottle for a ferret seems pretty unique and awesome. Coming up, a note that anyone who's had a rude roommate will be able to relate to and it's hilarious.
It's Never Too Early For Christmas Music
I might be alone on this one (although I'm probably not) but I never think that it's too early for Christmas music.
As soon as Christmas is over, it's time to prepare for next year. That means getting into the spirit even in the month of March. True Santa fans will listen to Jingle Bells with as much joy in July as they would in December.
A Back-Handed Compliment
Sometimes it takes a passive-aggressive note to really hit a point home. Unless you're blasting TLC's song No Scrubs at three in the morning, we don't want to hear it.
This is a smart strategy to play to this person's ego. Compliment the speaker system that they probably over-spent on, yet be firm about your wishes.
I'll Do You So Much Worse
This note resonates with anyone who's had roommates that have to share one laundry machine.
First of all, laundry takes about two hours longer than you expect EVERY TIME so anything slowing down that process is a hassle. Second of all, anytime someone touches your wet clothing without your permission, it feels like a personal attack for some reason. Just ahead, a note that'll probably confuse you and then terrify you at the same time. One word: exorcism.
It's A POO Fight
It's insanely disrespectful to walk your dog and not pick up its poop after it does its business on someone else's lawn.
If it happens more than once, it should be a law that you're allowed to pick up that poo and throw it at the owner's head without any repercussions.
The Writing Is Literally On The Wall
One of life's lessons that some people, unfortunately, have to learn the hard way is never annoy a pregnant lady.
You've never seen rage until you've seen a preggo woman yelling at the cashier at the grocery store because there isn't a buy-one-get-one-free deal on jars of pickles.
So Many Questions About This
So here's the deal — if I hear something that sounds like an exorcism happening in a room near me, I'm booking my red-eye to Mars right away.
I'm not interested in waiting for Emily Rose to show up at my front door dressed in a crinkled white bed sheet while staring me in the face and peeing while she does it. If that reference doesn't resonate, good. Don't ever watchThe Excorist. When your neighbor doesn't get your subtle hints, sometimes it takes a desperate act to get their attention. That's exactly what happened coming up.
That's Like, Four Free Lunches Though
I'm not an advocate for stealing other people's lunches, but if you can get away with it four times, then you're considered a success in my books.
My favorite part of this note is Lou writing in green at the bottom. Lou is clearly very invested in this theft and we can't blame him.
This Is Just Straight Facts
Can we just talk about vending machines for a quick second? First of all, this person is right — you're spending money on food items that are only going to poison you going forward.
But, if the chocolate bars don't give you heart disease, the stress of that vending machine NEVER ACTUALLY WORKING probably will. My guess is they have a 50% success rate of getting your food item into your hands instead of stuck on the glass.
The Last Resort
When you've tried a million times to get your neighbor to get the hint that you want their tree shaved and nothing happens, it's frustrating.
So when desperate times call for desperate measures, it's imperative that you go all out. There's no way your neighbor is going to construe the messaging this sign is conveying. Coming up, a sign that clearly lays out that someone is sick of having a dinner and a show every night and it's amazing.
A Doormat? That's Low
Here's how I feel about stealing; you need to make it worth your time, effort and stress. This is why I have less hate for diamond thieves.
There's no reason to steal a doormat and risk getting caught. That's a humiliation that no one wants to have to deal with.
Oops, I Accidentally Keyed Your Car
I think it's safe to say that the most hated people in the world are the ones who feel the need to take up two parking spots unnecessarily.
Most of the time it's to ensure that no one parks beside them because they're romantically involved with their car. All it does, in reality, is draw negative attention to your 1999 Honda Civic with black rims and makes everyone want to key it.
We See You Boo Boo
All these people are trying to tell the people on the second floor is that they don't want to have dinner and a show EVERY NIGHT.
Have you ever gone to the movie theatre five times in a week? It's mentally exhausting and the whole aura around it wears off after the second time. A note that will absolutely lead two people onto the Jerry Springer Show stage is just ahead.
There's Nothing More Intimidating
Here's the thing about putting up that Liam Neeson poster saying that you will find and kill the person who put the garbage there.
You now actually have to follow through on your threat, because Neeson absolutely did. This poster maker just committed themselves to become a murderer over some garbage. Yikes.
Bringing It Right On Home
Okay, as much as I want to side with the person who wrote this note, I just can't get past the wording.
If you talk like a baby by using the words "sillies" and "poopies" then you've been completely discredited in my books. If I'm on a jury, I'm saying the person with the dog is innocent on all charges.
JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
If The Jerry Springer Show is still casting for next season, they need to look no further than the two people who've contributed to this sign.
I love the idea that you can steal someone's newspaper and get away with not being confronted as long as there are kids around. I guess I'm just going to bring a kid to the next bank I try to rob.
Welcome To The Neighborhood!
The time and effort put into this sign is quite fascinating. What I really like about it is that there is even a little bit of a visual in case the people they're confronting forgot where their neighbors lived.
This addresses the issue head-on and leaves no room for alternate interpretation which is very beneficial to a situation like this.
Good.BYE
If you notice, this owner said that he'd rather live in a box than have to live next to his neighbor and that's very respectable.
Living in a box cannot be an easy task. It probably won't have heating in the winter and A/C in the summer. The ventilation is probably lackluster. With that being said, the rent is cheap and maybe he can reallocate that money to buying a sweet kitchen set or something.
