Managers Are Sharing The Reasons They Had To Instantly Fire Someone, And Suddenly I Look Like Employee Of The Month
We've all had that job that is absolutely intolerable. We dread going every day and it's almost like we would be thankful if the boss was to come in a fire us on the spot. With absolute hate for a job comes unmotivated and underthought decision making.
Some of us just aren't made for employment. Whether it's because we hate to be bossed around, or we're just straight up trashy individuals, jobs just aren't our calling. Reddit users talked about the reasons they've had to fire someone and it's absolutely hilarious. Unfortunately for some of us, this will be all too relatable, but nonetheless, sit down and relax for this daunting read.
It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere
Hey, it's hard to blame this employee for wanting to hit the bottle early. Being drunk just makes everything more tolerable. It may not make YOU more tolerable, but that's not the point. Why can't everyone just come to terms with the fact that being drunk is just better, especially if it's during the day?
Here's The Proof
Here's a lesson for everyone — if someone ever asks you to smell their finger you need to not do it. There are a million different reasons why and I shouldn't even have to tell you, but I'm begging you not to do it. I feel so strongly about this that I would go as far as to say that I'd rather listen to a full Nickelback album than smell someone's finger.
Not Your Best Day
When you read this, you just have to feel for the person. I mean, how desperate must one be to feel the need to drink and drive on a lunch break and then have to go to jail wearing a Mcdonald's uniform? That's about as humiliating as it gets. I'm with the boss on this one. Very fireable.
No Mess Was Left
I guess if there is any lady you'd want to have sex with in your office, it would be a cleaning lady. You want to be able to do the deed without anyone knowing and that's exactly the job of a cleaner. I'm still in shock that they were even caught because the plan seemed bulletproof.
Tarps Off
Sometimes when you've hit the gym for three days in a row for the first time in 15 years, you feel the need to show it off. Once you see that top right abdominal muscle start to formulate, you have to expose it to the world whether it conforms to your dress code or not.
This Is Actually Genius
These are the geniuses that we should be highlighting in our society. These should be our teachers and preachers. Get you a mentor who got paid for two wage jobs while only attending one. Bill Gates called, he wants his brain back. As wrong as this is, it's so right at the same time.
Probably The Most Fireable Offence
I think if there's ever been a fireable offense, it's probably because you sliced up your former employer in a parking lot. Heck, if you sliced up your boss in a bowling alley it would at least be a little better, that's a way better place to die. Throw a strike, throw a spare, and then take a dagger to the chest — not bad.
"Three Rubs, Three Wishes"
"Hey Janet, can I rub your tummy three times and make a wish?" No, no you cannot Creepy John from Accounting. I don't get the obsession with pregnant women and their stomachs. We get it, there's a baby in there, but I don't want to feel it mostly because I have an inherent fear of outy belly buttons. Is that just me, or?
"Oh My God, I Am So Dead Girl"
This isn't safe for anyone, nevermind an ambulance driver. Millenials are so caught up in documenting everything on social media that they sometimes forget what reality looks and feels like. The driver was probably putting on a puppy dog filter and just lost track of where they were. It happens.
Iron Fist Gets Rusted
It's completely normal to get mad at your boss, but the usual narrative surrounds the employee bottling up that anger and not showing it. Usually, they have to scream into tiny little boxes instead of show their anger publically. There's a reason for that, which is proven in this story. If you break your bosses desk, you might as well make your way over to the unemployment center ASAP.
Two Jobs, Same Address
Hey, nowadays almost everybody is having to work two jobs. It's a bonus if you can have two separate jobs running out of the same place. That's convenient and efficient. In terms of the nodding off at the fryer thing, can you blame him for not being able to open his eyes with all of the onions that he had fry on the daily? That should be an Olympic sport.
Hey, Worth A Shot
"Congratulations guys, you passed my knife test!" This employee was merely trying to test out the security at the airport he works at because he had concerns about their competence. Thankfully, they passed and he was willing to go to jail just to ensure that the rest of us are safe. God bless this man.
You're Not Goin' Anywhere
Ah, there's probably no one more proud of this tire slasher than Carrie Underwood. In her song Before He Cheatsshe encourages slashing every single tire on the car of the person you hate. So I guess if you're going to do it, do it big. Don't just stop at one of two, you better get all four. Heck, do the car beside too just for kicks.
Know Your History
Sometimes it's important to have a little bit of awareness regarding moments in time before you open your mouth. This guy was fired for being right. It was quick-witted, true, and funny. This lady needs to take a joke and/or think about what she's going to say before she gets publically humiliated.
A Weird Compliment?
So, if you're wondering how you can become the creepiest/most repulsive/idiotic human being around the office, just do what this guy did. At what point did this guy think that this was going to be a flattering thing to do or say to a woman? One can only guess that he's swimming in females as we speak with that mentality.
What Life Choice Brought You To This Point?
There are many unanswered questions with the story. The whole climbing a tree thing isn't that weird, it's more the pepper spraying an animal part that deserves a second look. At what point does a bird offend you so much that it warrants it to be pepper sprayed in the face? To be determined.
Live Your Own Life, Dude
Identity theft is wrong unless you're pretending to be of legal drinking age when you're not, or you're trying to pretend you're Ryan Gosling. First of all, we've all technically committed identity theft when we risked it all by showing our older siblings ID to the bouncer of our favorite local bar and got promptly rejected. We're not all saints here.
Get That Right Arm Ready, Bruce
If you can say that you've never done liquid Xanax in the washroom of your job and then went and out and arm wrestled a stranger, you're a better employee than this person. Studies show that 3/4 people have done this exact thing, I think, or maybe that's just in my friend group. I don't know.
Friends Are Friends Are Friends
Look, this guy obviously had some friends he needed to meet up with for emotional support. Yes, he should've been training the new employee, but that can wait. He was performing something called the "emotional support crack binge" with a buddy which is scientifically proven to get your fired almost immediately.
Giving It A New Home
I'm not sure what this was supposed to accomplish other than getting fired, so I guess congratulations are in order for this guy. There is nothing good that would come out of putting a contract down your pants other than maybe giving your fingers a rest from getting paper cuts and instead, getting one in the naughty zone.
