Inventions That Take Our Tech Addiction Way Too Far
Unless you're one of the brave few who has banished technology from your life (and if you are then how are you reading this?), then you've probably got an Internet of Things to your name. The Internet of Things started out modestly, but now smart home devices like Google Home or Amazon's Alexa means some people now even have lightbulbs on their Internet of Things. From cleaning tools to pet accessories, everything can connect to your network nowadays.
People can't stop debating if smart technology is making life easier for us, or if it's just making us lazier. These smart products and tech gadgets show that we might be way too obsessed with technology. I mean, do we really need to 'track our thrusts' in the bedroom? I think it's safe to say that technology has officially gone too far.
Be In Command Of Your Eggs
The Egg Minder is a "smart egg tray" that connects to your WiFi to make sure you never have to suffer from an egg-related disaster again. The Egg Minder will light up which egg is the oldest in the carton so you can use that first when cooking. It holds 14 eggs because, of course, that amount makes sense when you buy a carton of 12 or 18.
The only real useful feature is that you can even use the app to check how many eggs you have left when you're out at the grocery store, putting to rest the never-ending debate.
Tweet With Your Pup
Mattel's "Puppy Tweets" is the revolutionary new product that allows your dog to speak! Well, not speak, but it lets your dog tweet. Attach the device to your dog's collar and every time they bark, move, or nap, the device sends out a tweet "from" your dog. Puppy Tweets claims that socializing is important for a dog, so what better way to do that than through Twitter?
It sounds like Puppy Tweets might be interesting for about 20 minutes before you take a step back and realize what you've done. I bet my dog could even get more followers than me.
Get The Dentist's Point Of View
Believe it or not, a smart-toothbrush war is being waged right now under our noses. It seems that the toothbrush makers have run out of regular brush technology (there's only so many times you can market a tongue cleaner as revolutionary) and are now making their toothbrushes "smart".
Oral-B, Philips, and Colgate have all begun adding Bluetooth to toothbrushes. Some can be set up to remind you to brush, others have a sensor that connects to the front camera which guides your brushing. The ProPhix toothbrush has a 10mp camera in it so you can watch yourself get the best brush possible. It's the wild, wild, west in the toothbrush market. Wait until you see this tech accessory that won't even let you shower in peace.
You Don't Have To Pay Attention To Your Dog
Introducing, the Furbo. This smart home device allows you to see, talk and even toss treats to your dog while you're away. The Furbo can even send you notifications of your dog. If it stares at the camera, the Furbo will send a "Dog Selfie Alert" to notify you that your dog is lonely (or your dog is just smart enough to know the Furbo gives treats if you get this alert).
The Furbo hits multiple niches in the tech-loving, pet-loving market. Its great if you are an overly protective pet-parent, and also great if you're a neglectful pet-parent.
No More Cleaning The Thing Meant To Get Dirty
I'm imagining the marketing pitch now: "Its like Roomba... but for a barbecue!" This little piece of smart technology eliminates the three minutes you spend before grilling cleaning your grill by doing it for you. The Grillbot has three settings: 10, 20, 30-minute cleaning cycle.
There is yet to be a decision on whether the Grillbot is worth it. Some users swear they will never go back to a regular brush, others have said it's basically a toy. Either way, if the point of grilling is to get outside, should the technology follow?
Never Leave Your Phone For A Second
The Screenholder Shower Curtain is the newest way to be attached to your devices 24/7. While the internet has come up with some pretty crafty solutions over the years, including putting your phone in a Ziploc bag so you can text in the shower, this is the official way to stay connected while shampooing. The curtain has multiple sizes of portrait and landscape pockets on the outside that your device slides into.
This may be one of the last straws before our lives become too reliant on technology. Can't we just stick to the shower radio and enjoy 15 minutes of peace to wash without checking our e-mails? If you thought staring at your phone all day to get news was bad, wait until you see this narcissistic smart product.
Beer On Repeat Isn't The Worst Idea...
Before Amazon's smart home device, Alexa, was causing controversy, they were testing the boundaries of using smart devices to buy stuff with the Amazon Dash. You could order a Dash button for any product that partnered with Amazon, and whenever the button was pressed it would automatically order your goods.
Some of these Dash buttons made a lot of sense, like having a Tide Dash on your washing machine. Others, like the Pistachios Dash or the Cheez-Its Dash, sounds like a recipe for disaster when your two-year-old accidentally orders you 52 boxes of crackers.
Track Your... Thrusts
If we thought technology was invading our personal space when we were in the shower, its gone even further by introducing itself into our sex lives. The i.Con is a reusable ring that sits on the base of a condom and tracks various statistics about the user's sexual interactions.
Basically, someone made a FitBit for sex, and that's a little weird. Maybe we should all just agree to draw the "smart device" line at the belt buckle.
Get The News While Staring At Yourself
Griffin Technology is one of the world leaders in creating ridiculous smart home products. One of their latest creations, unveiled at the Consumer Technology Association 2017 exhibition, was the Connected Mirror. This "mirror" connects to your WiFi and can display the time, weather, texts or missed notifications from your phone, or even when your toast is ready.
The Connected Mirror is a groundbreaking new way to have all the information on the internet at your fingertips...oh, wait, that's like a cell phone. Keep reading to see how technology has corrupted this exercise people use to relax.
Have Floss Shot At You
If you're tired of your dentist bothering your to floss more, you can get this dentist-inspired smart device that automatically dispenses floss. The Floss Time will "smile" when you floss, and "frown" when you forget. It also tracks your flossing activity, and will automatically dispense floss at you if you don't floss for 5 days straight.
The Floss Time is a smart device with a positive mission. It really would be helpful to install if you have kids to help build good habits. But is opening a floss cartridge really that much work?
Listen To The Sound Of Your Hair
L'Oreal's designer brand Kérastase released the world's first smart hairbrush in 2017, and it's going to give you incredible insight on something about yourself that you didn't know you wanted insight on. The brush has a microphone so you can listen to the sound of your hair to identify patterns, it can tell the amount of force applied to the hair, and will give feedback if you brush too vigorously.
It's not entirely clear who the target market is for this brush. You'd hope your hairdresser doesn't need a brush to tell you these things, and why would anyone need to know it themselves?
Get Your Own Personal Critic
The SmartMat is the first interactive coaching yoga mat that markets itself as the solution to not going to an actual yoga class. The mat has sensors underneath that detects your position, balance, alignment, and can give you feedback immediately via your phone or tablet, or you can enter "zen mode" and it will track everything you do for you to reflect on later.
Yoga has been blowing up in the last decade, so I understand the appeal of the mat. But yoga is touted as a way to decompress and get away from your busy life, so why ruin your practice by inviting technology to come in and critique you? Most of these new smart products at least have useful intentions behind them... except this next product.
No Need To Exercise Self-Control Anymore
In case you thought some items in your house were too benign to be turned into smart products, think again. The HAPIfork is a smart fork meant to help regulate your weight and help with digestive problems. The HAPIfork will actually vibrate and alert you if you're eating too fast.
There are clear benefits of a product like the HAPIfork for those who struggle with food and food management, but also what if your mom makes that delicious peach cobbler and the HAPIfork stops you from inhaling three slices? I'm not sure a world where my pie intake is regulated is a world I want to live in.
Stress About Your Stress Levels
The Spire stone is basically a wearable activity tracker that monitors your breathing. If your breathing is off, you're alerted and can take steps to remedy it. For those with anxiety and stress-related health problems, the Spire is a smart technology to help become more aware of your stress patterns.
But also, hasn't it been shown that increased use of technology has added to this generation's stress levels? So maybe using another piece of technology to reduce that isn't always the best idea.
Send Messages Via Your Dog
The Disco Dog is an example of what can happen when smart technology is utilized in an entirely useless way. The Disco Dog vest syncs with your iPhone and allows you to control the LED lights on your dog's vest. You can even program custom texts to scroll across your dog's body.
Part of the fear of the Internet of Things is that someone can use one product to gain access to your entire network. Can you imagine getting hacked because your Disco Dog vest didn't have an adequate firewall? We're not sure any fashion trendsetter could pull off this next tech accessory.
Never Leave Your Breakfast Up To Fate
Gone are the days where you had to blindly toast your bread products. Griffin — the undisputed king of ridiculous smart products — unveiled a smart toaster in 2017. The toaster can be controlled entirely by Bluetooth, so that you can wake up, put two slices of bread in the toaster, and instead of being stuck in yesteryear and pressing a button, you can walk away and toast your bread from the other room.
From the next room over, you can set your bread type, darkness, and temperature for the perfect slice of toast. Viva la toast revolution!
Micromanage Cooking Dinner
Nutrition tracking is a rapidly growing market, so a pan that micromanages all of your cooking, all your ingredients, and sends all that data to your phone and fitness tracker will probably sell incredibly well. The SmartyPan will even provide you with step-by-step recipes to follow if you have absolutely no idea how to cook. Its built-in scale will even tell you when you're doing it wrong.
While I'm sure this pan might help those who are helpless in the kitchen, the SmartyPan ruins the joy of cooking when you're so focused on your phone that you're not taking the time to enjoy the process.
Store Your iPad Beside Your Gun
In probably the best example of technology combining with unnecessary accessories, we introduce the e-holster. If you're someone on the go who needs their iPad mini on hand at all times, but can't be bothering to buy a normal shoulder bag, the drop leg bag is the tech accessory for you.
The problem with the e-holster is that looks way too similar to a gun holster for anyone to take it seriously. Imagine holstering them both on the same side, and accidentally reaching for your iPad mini when you're in danger.
Exercise For The Biggest Game Of Your Life
The XTensor hand exerciser started out with humble origins and has been corrupted by our obsession with technology. Originally designed as a simple device that will help build strength and flexibility in the muscles of the hand, it was intended to be used by anyone who suffered from arthritis or had recently broken any of their hand bones.
Of course, because no one gets cramps from actually writing by hand anymore, hard-core gamers began to co-opt the product and use the XTensor to strengthen their hands. Can't we just go back to using the classic smiley-face stress ball everyone's grandparents had?
Have A Handy Do-Not-Disturb Hat
The As-Seen-On-TV Hat (yes, that is the actual product name), is a visor that allows you to insert your phone at the far end, and watch your Netflix app in peace. It's basically the perfect hat for making sure absolutely no one talks to you.
Aside from this one upside, the As-Seen-On-TV Hat has been slammed for being entirely ineffective. There is a magnifying glass inside which apparently just distorts the phone's images, and the plastic window you slide your phone into just fades the images. If you didn't use your phone with this hat, it might actually be a nice escape from the world around you that is so obsessed with technology.
