How To Be A Perfect Parent This Holiday Season
You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout I'm telling you why. Parents have so many powers under their control when it comes to Christmas. They know when you've been sleeping and when you've been bad or good. So be good for goodness sakes or else you'll get dads showing off their bods or getting gifts you never wanted. These parents did the holiday season the proper way.
Don't Steal Video Games
Hey kids, when you steal a video game like Bonestorm, this is the game and console your parents will settle for. Wait until you get the power driver with a suggested golfer like Lee Carvallo. This game will be the best thing since Super Mario Brothers.
Reuse And Repeat
Buying a Christmas tree is expensive enough as it is, but so are fake trees too. Since your parents won't waste money once a year, they settle on reusing the same one every year. It gets annoying, especially with the tape on the box since they haven't bought a new one in years.
Ugly Sweater Dad Bod
An ugly sweater like this one should win you a prize at your Christmas party. Better yet, with the dad bod, you should have a strong chance of taking home that $25 Subway gift card.
Celebrating More Than One Holiday
Christmas or Hannukah? Why not pull off a Seth Cohen by celebrating both holidays! It's an easy comprise for the both of you since one celebrates the birth of Jesus and the other is the celebration of a religion. Honestly, though, they totally forgot the aluminum pole for Festivus.
Photoshop To Make One Legit Christmas Card
As real as this Christmas card looks, it's all full of photoshop. Do you really think this family would be creative enough to do it on their own? Absolutely not. It's why we're lazy to begin with. Hopefully, this garners enough attention for Santa so they can be the first family he visits on this trip.
Dad Bod Reality
Now, that's a masterpiece! Your dad would probably love to build a snowman to mimic that that type of body he wishes he had. It's creepy, but let's not think of that since this is very creative.
Stocking Sock For One
That's the stocking you'll receive if you decide to mouth off to your parents. Whatever you did to spite your parents will be a story to be told to the kids down the road. It's all fun and games here — let's just hope poor Allison doesn't get lumps of coal for the fourth year in a row.
Mr. Hankey Christmas Wrapping
Well, that's one way to wrap up a carpet for your kid's apartment. It's also pretty touching to make it in a way that resembles Mr. Hankey from South Park. Honestly, this would be better if you did it when they moved into the apartment.
Suited Up For Christmas Dinner
Dad's showing off his new shirt and it's awesome to see him suit up! He's got his game face on for the turkey dinner that's for sure. His wife and kids would get a good laugh out of this as they're still decked out in their PJs from Christmas morning.
Cya Later, Tree
The second you go leave for Christmas dinner, the tree gets thrown out. It's common to see people do this, especially when they're only in town for a day or two before heading down to the sunny beaches of Mexico. I envy those people every single year.
April Fools On Christmas Morning
One way to fool your kids is to give them a travel mug. It might look like a camera lens but the second they open up, they'll be like "WTF Mom and Dad?". See, this is why parents just love to pull April Fools pranks, even on Christmas morning.
Cousin Randy Is At It Again
Oh no, the you-know-what is full, which means you have to clear the driveway for Cousin Randy. Dad might not be too happy about this, but you can't just toss away family.
Fun Tip For Parents
Remember kids, be nice to your parents or they will do this to you. It's vulgar and mean, but it just goes to show how much respect you should give your parents. Also, they might actually put your gift in the fireplace, but there no promises that they won't.
Forced To Make A Christmas Card
When your family members bother you for not making a Christmas card, go ahead and do this. It will certainly have your relatives stop bothering to the point where they'll wonder if you're being funny or being dark. By the way, the baby doesn't look prepared properly.
Joy To The Dads
If your dad is a registered nurse and is on-call for the holidays, this is the attire he'll wear to the hospital. It doesn't get any better than this when fathers have their suit game on holiday mode.
Ugly Sweater At Its Finest
I don't think anyone would realize what Santa is doing in this particular ugly sweater. If you buy this for your kid, there's a strong chance that their teacher will send them down to the office. Once you pick them up from school, it'll become clear why he got in trouble in the first place.
Santa Isn't Real Reaction
Parents, don't tell your kids of the truth about Santa the minute they take a picture with him. Their faces are exactly the type of reaction you will see once you deliver them the harsh news. This is one way to be such a savage parent, it's not even cool.
A Sense Of Purpose
Dads need to look and smell fresh. What better way to give him a sense of purpose than by making a pun and a gift! It's hilarity for all of the family and hopefully, this dad got a laugh out of it. If anyone asks, the gifts are "for his wife."
Sessions Presents: A 2Pac Christmas Carol
2Pac is making a comeback!? Absolutely not. It might be one parent's idea to "mistakenly" put in lyrics of Hail Mary by the deceased rapper. Obviously, the lyrics have no relation to Christmas or God. That doesn't mean his message shouldn't be shared for all to hear.
Christmas Is Almost Over
There isn't much time left until the fat guy in the suit slides down your chimney. Two more days until hell on Earth is officially over. Once Christmas has passed, this beer opener should blare out the choir version of 'Hallejuah' as a celebration of beating the holiday season.
