Ho-Ho-Horrible Family Christmas Card Fails That Had Me In Tears
The holiday season is finally upon us. Thanksgiving has come and gone, meaning the anxiety that comes with having to pick out Christmas gifts for friends and family has become a reality once again. Sadly, there isn't much anyone can do to help you with your holiday struggles but perhaps this list of insanely funny Christmas cards can help relieve some of the stress. There's only one way to find out! Scroll through and enjoy a few laughs at the expense of the people on this list. If you have a furbaby as a child, you'll want to check out what one family did with their pooch!
This Was Mom's Idea
We can all tell just by looking at Dad's face that this family in boxes idea was Mom's. His face screams "what the hell are we doing, why did I agree to this."
Well, Dad, you signed up for this the day you said: "I do". So smile big because you made this bed. At least this photo has a theme. A little further down the list, you'll find a family that couldn't decide which holiday it was celebrating.
Run For Your Life
Some kids are deathly afraid of clowns, others are traumatized by drunk fat men at shopping malls who dress in red outfits, stink of whiskey and laugh way too much. Which do you think is the more rational fear? I'm going to say the latter. This kid is clearly going places.
The best news for the parents is they don't have to worry about Christmas shopping or their son now. He's too scared of the holiday to celebrate it.
Taking One For The Team
Poor doggo was forced to wear a cone on Christmas to keep him from licking his junk. Mom and Dad decided they'd wear one too to show young Ruffles he was part of the family and that if he suffers they all suffer together.
That's what Christmas spirit is all about is it not? Wrong! If the pictures on this list have taught me anything it's that Christmas has no rules. You'll get the impression further on down the list.
C'mon Man
The Heisman pose? Really? I always knew Seahawks fans were the worst but this is starting to get out of hand. The self-proclaimed "12th Man" strikes again with this Seahawks-themed family Christmas photo wherein Dad is striking the revered Heisman trophy pose. Yikes!
Did you know that every time Seattle uses the "12th Man" they have to pay Texas A&M? That school originated the moniker and owns the copyright to it.
Cute!
Once a momma's boy always a momma's boy, I guess. In his defense, this looks like a super comfortable setting. This couple looks like they don't have plans to do anything but sit by the fire and watch hours worth of classic Christmas specials.
That sounds like a great plan honestly. I know what I'm doing tonight. Lighting a fire, making some hot cocoa, and turning on The Santa Clause.
The Three Scrooges
Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, Moe, Curly and Shemp get all decked out in candy cane themed scarfs and don matching top hats to take the cringiest Christmas pic of all time. There really isn't much else to say about it other than that it shouldn't exist.
Sadly, it does exist, and we can't help but ask whose genius idea it was to take this disaster of a photo.
No Shame December
That right there is a very, very proud man. He owns a big dog, cradles a baby doll whenever he's feeling a bit paternal and spends his free time watching river monsters while sharpening his hunting knife.
He grew the handlebar stash in support of prostate cancer research during the month of November but when the calendar turned to December he said "what the hell" and kept the fire burning.
You Had To Know There Was Going To Be A Face Swap
The face swap fad blew up on the internet a couple of years back and found its way into just about every facet of our lives. Snapchat, Facebook profile pictures, Instagram posts and apparently, Christmas cards too.
Personally, I can't stand face swaps but I found this one particularly amusing, which is saying something. Just not as amusing as the weird cellphone family that appears just a few clicks later.
The Bearded Guy Is Definitely Gimli
There's nothing like a well-timed Lord of the Rings reference to get everyone in the Holiday spirit. If we can all agree that the bearded man is obviously Gimli that means the woman in the picture is Mira, the dog's name is Buddy and the cat's name must be Joe.
I kind of hope the pets are actually that large. It would be pretty amazing, however unlikely we know it is.
Accurate
Christmas is supposed to be a time when family comes together. A time when they sit at a table together where they share good food, enjoy good wine as well as each others company, free of distractions.
That means no Instagramming meals, snapping friends or tweeting about Christmas cake. It may not seem like it, but at least they're spending time together. One person further down this list wasn't so fortunate.
Tough guys
Croquet mallets and Christmas vests are a winning combination. These two could run a clinic on how to look super badass in just about every situation imaginable. They've checked all the boxes: power poses, subtle flexing of the shoulders and biceps capped off with the intimidating staredown. It's all here people.
No one will ever create a better Christmas card than what you're looking at right now. It's just so beautiful.
How Many Daves Does It Take To Decorate A Christmas Tree
It looks like Dave knows how to throw quite the tree lighting party. I spot 17 of them in the frame, including the Dave hiding under the Christmas tree and the one who's apparently stuck behind it. If you can't party with you — or 15 of you — how can anyone else, right?
This seriously took some amazing Photoshop skills. Even if you're not a big fan of the card itself, you have to be impressed with the time put into making it!
Me, IRL
Ultimately, gathering together as a family is great, but when you have to all share to the world everything you're thankful for to slap on a Christmas card, honesty is generally the best policy. While everyone is happy, hopeful, and hitched, Emily just loves Emily. I appreciate that. Deep down, we all would like to be Emily.
Actually, this gives me an idea for my own Christmas card this year. Thanks, Emily!
Christmas Is The G.O.A.T. – Literally
This Christmas card may be wildly cheesy (seriously, what thrift store did they pull those absurd Christmas sweaters from? What about that vest?), but the most perplexing part is the goat. How did a baby goat get there? Are they raising it as their child? We can only assume.
This photo really does raise far more questions than it does give answers. I guess we know what everyone will be talking about at the big holiday dinner party!
She's Totally Not Here For It
There's something so sad and deeply unsettling about this family Christmas card. Maybe it's the doll, whose lifeless body is contorted in a position that'd be difficult for any human infant. Maybe it's the sad pipe cleaner hats or the fact that this wife looks absolutely miserable while her husband is thrilled.
I really hope the rest of the family loves horror movies because there is nothing cheery about this card.
Everyone's In Their Christmas Best
Okay, so this dad actually gets some points for wearing a dress and stockings. Sometimes we all want to look pretty. What's deeply unsettling is the weird, plastic Santa saluting to nothing and the spray-painted backdrop which looks more like something from the Manson family homestead than a cheery photo studio.
At one point, this point may have seemed like a good idea. At another point it was clear it was not, but the family decided to commit anyway.
What Exactly Is Happening Here?
It's hard to tell exactly where to start with this one. There's no snow in sight and the family bizarrely draped tinsel and hung stockings on a cactus. Beyond that, why is the mother in a tennis outfit? Why is the kid wearing some kind of spandex wrestling-slash-ballet uniform? Why are dad's shorts so short? It truly was another time that I will just never understand.
Coming up: snakes! On a sled!
Mom And Dad, Please Stop Fighting For The Kids
This Christmas card may have attempted to be funny, but it’s really just kind of sad. Mom's about to pull a Tiger Woods on her husband, while their baby, who clearly just stopped crying, clings to father, terrified. Dad never even saw it coming.
This kid is going to be traumatized for life. Just kidding of course. There's no way mom actually swung the golf club. That's what I'm telling myself, anyway.
Snakes Are Part Of The Family Too
We get it – you love your pets. Who doesn’t? Seriously, though, who actually brings their snakes all the way to meet Santa. A dog, maybe. Maybe even a cat. But a snake and iguana?
Where does Santa actually draw the line and can you even legally bring those things into a mall. Are they registered as emotional support snakes? If not, I'm not sure they are actually allowed to be brought into the mall.
The Ho Ho Whole Family Is Disgusted with This One
This Christmas card got really awkward really fast. Once the parents finally got their little munchkin to sit still, up goes his lunch. His older brother is even leaning away from him in disgust.
It would've probably been best to just clean up and delete any evidence of this photo from the camera roll, but here we are. I feel bad for this kid, too. Once he grows up, this photo will be used as blackmail by his parents or other siblings.
The Grinch
The girls and their mother are decidedly dorky, but it's kind of adorable to recreate the Whos of Whoville. What isn't cute is Dad in a bright green, full-body, spandex suit and creepy face paint.
Yes, he looks like the Grinch, but man, it could have been a whole lot less weird if he wore anything else. Did he have the green suit just laying around in storage, or did he actually buy the cheapest Grinch costume he could find?
We Can't Even
This Christmas card is certainly unforgettable but in that sort of painfully cringy kind of way. Basically, we can't figure out what's happening here. Are there two, near-identical skiers with Native American heritage (look at their boots) trapped in a cabin with their cat and some fondue?
We really need to know more. Are they lovers? Are they brothers? The turtlenecks, the wine, the fireplace on TV – we have so many questions.
#1 Gingerdad
This isn't awkward. It isn't awkward at all. These cookies may have been yummy, but this Photoshop job is anything but. They even managed to get the cat and the dog in there. One error: there's no way the person who allowed this photo to happen should be touting his status as #1 dad.
Did this really end up being the card that was sent to the extended family? Did they find it funny?
The Nativity Scene
Nativity scenes are a staple of Christmas, which is supposed to be a deeply religious holiday. These people took it one step too far when they decided to recreate that infamous night on their own Christmas card. There's just something really tacky about making your dog Jesus Christ. I get that some people love their dog just that much, but still...
If floating pets are your thing, you'll love the next page.
It's Raining Cats And Dogs
It's hard not to appreciate these people's commitment to Christmas, but the outfits are definitely a lot. Where do you even buy a puke-green poncho? Regardless, these people crossed the line when they floated their pet's head behind them as if they were deceased or a distant dream.
Why do so many people set up pictures like this with their pets? Do they really think it makes a for a good holiday card?
Family Of Five Christmas Ornaments
Can't decide what to wear in your family Christmas photo? Why not dress up like giant Christmas ornaments. This is undoubtedly a flattering look for everyone. No, it's not all awkward and painful to look at. How much did they have to bribe their kids to get in on this one?
They probably didn't bride the kids at all. What happened was they told their kids that if they didn't dress up as ornaments then there would be no Christmas this year.
The Christmas Cat
Pets are our family, and this kitty is no exception, but this photo's sort of sad. It's not the cat – who looks absolutely fabulous super-imposed in the background. It's the man's longing, depressed, empty stare that really gets us in the gut. Was this his only family?
One day he'll find someone who loves him as much as he loves his cat. He just has to remember when he does to never let them see this photo.
Honesty Is The Best Policy
Although this had the potential to be a nice Christmas card with such a lovely background, this family wanted to take the more honest route. Instead of pretending that they're one big happy family like most cards, they're letting us truly know what they've been up to all year. And we respect that. Now excuse me while I check the messages on my phone.
Does nudity belong on a Christmas card? You decide.
Never Gets Old
Now, these are the kinds of Christmas cards that we want to see. If you have the slightest sense of humor you can understand the genius behind this card and the man that sent it out.
Seeing a card like this genuinely makes you want to get to know this guy and his cat as well. Look at that sweater. If he's single, this needs to be the first picture anyone sees on his dating profile.
That's Gangster, Yo!
Seeing this family's Christmas card really makes you wonder what the whole dynamic of their household is. Christmas morning surely has to be quite the event if this is what the lead up looks like.
Although it may be a bit cringy, you have to admit that it's clever as well and that "Ruff Daddy" is the star of the rap collective. That pooch is going to end up have a lucrative solo career.
This Is Art
Something tells us that this family is not new when it comes to out-of-pocket Christmas cards. This is probably one of a series dating from several years back that has developed over time.
This looks pretty well thought out and although it's pretty creepy you have to laugh with them. As long as they are also laughing. Please let them be in on the joke with the rest of us...
Keeping The "Christ" In Christmas
This family is definitely looking to keep the "Christ" in Christmas. So much so, that they decided to dress up like a nativity scene for their card to give to all their friends. This is exactly what the spirit of Christmas is and it needs to be spread via Christmas cards just like this.
We bet they went to Christmas mass dressed like this too.Once you commit to the outfit, you commit to the outfit.
Swaggin' For The Holidays
Judging by the quality of the picture, the background, and the sweaters, we can assume that this picture is a decade or so old. What's funny about this picture is that it was probably cringe-worthy back in the day but would be considered stylish today. This family could sell those sweaters on eBay for a pretty penny to some desperate hipsters.
You'll never look at lettuce the same way again after this next one.
Seek Help, Please
When you receive a Christmas card like this, it should help tell you that you should cut ties with this family, and fast. Nobody on this planet should have this many little dogs. One is way more than enough, and this is just greedy.
There are like five dogs to each person in this picture. We can hear them yapping through the picture. How much money does it cost to take car of all those dogs???
"I Look Great"
This is a classic case of someone getting a spray tan the day that they took their Christmas card picture. Clearly, she hasn't showered yet so she looks like a bright orange Oompa Loompa.
Also, the contrast of her next to all of her normal skin-toned family doesn't help the situation at all. Hopefully after seeing how this card turned out the family decided to start over from scratch and make a new one.
Elf On A Shelf
This has to be the most wholesome Elf on the Shelf pictures I have ever seen in my life. The ones I'm used to seeing all involve some sort of deviant behavior, which is perfect for my depraved sense of humor.
I'm telling you, the Elf on the Shelf I know isn't some fun-loving character. He's a real sick puppy. You have to keep things as G-rated as possible when kids are involved.
This Makes Me Uncomfortable
Just by looking at this picture, we hope that this made it to the newspapers so these kids can be returned back to their real parents. There is so much wrong with this picture from the black turtlenecks to the garter around grandma Santa Clause's leg.
We're not sure exactly how these people celebrate Christmas and we don't think we want to. Some things are better left not being shared with the world.
Smells Like The Holidays
We know that red and white are two of the most popular Christmas colors, but we don't think this is what is meant by it. Sure, everybody loves bacon, but the full bacon suits for a Christmas card might be a little bit overboard.
How many chores did these young men force themselves to do to get in mom's good graces enough to let them get away with this blatant crime against fashion. And the holidays!
Not Joking
Most of these cards are bearable knowing that most of them are made to be a joke. We can't be so sure about this one. It looks like this family was trying to take a genuinely festive Christmas card picture which backfired, to say the least.
Hopefully, they learn from this failure and do better next year. Wrapping themselves up in ornaments and lights really was the first big mistake they made here.
Might Need A New Prescription
This is another Christmas card photo that we can't tell if it's a joke or not, but we certainly hope that it is. Everything about this photo is awkward from this guy's sweater to whatever is going on with his eyes.
Once again, this looks like it was taken a few years back so it very well might not be a joke at all. And hey, the family members who received this card probably stuck it on their fridges.
Winter Wonderland
This photo was clearly taken in some mall photo booth. They had the option of this filter and the whole family thought that it would be funny to take a picture like they were stuck inside of a snowglobe.
But guess what? It's not. It distorts all of the faces so you can't tell who anyone is, and it's so cheesy that it hurts. We're also curious as to what FMDG means.
Monkeying Around The Christmas Tree
This girl just spiced up Christmas in so many ways. Not only did she include a primate into the card, but a primate that's wearing what looks like a baptismal gown of some sorts. We wonder if she has any other animals running around that just didn't make the cut for the card.
Is the monkey her pet? Or was it just rented for a day just because she thought she had a really good idea for a holiday card?
Merry Christmas From Rudolph!
What is happening to Christmas? We remember Rudolph used to be a red-nosed magical reindeer that guided Santa's sleigh. Now, he's a dead taxidermy head being kissed by two teenage girls trying to be cute.
Of course, the eyes are still open, making it all the more disturbing of a Christmas card.Sometimes even the best intentions are ruined by the reality of the disaster of a Christmas card you just made.
He Sees You When You're Sleeping
Obviously, this picture was taken in front of the backdrop of an incredibly creepy poster of Santa Clause. It's probably safe to assume that not a single picture in front of this came out remotely okay. Having anybody looking into your window like that would terrify anyone, especially if it was Santa Clause.
When this card was made, everyone probably thought it was great. Now however many years later, it's pretty easy to see how bad it is.
"The Human Santapede"
I won't take credit for that joke. I stole it from a Reddit user because it was too good to pass up. If you haven't seen the movie and don't understand the reference don't bother googling it because you'll regret it.
Human Centipede was both a terrible and deeply disturbing motion picture that represents two hours of my life I will never get back. This photo lives on the internet now and can't be taken back either.
Killing Two Birds With One Picture
Here's an easy way to save money this Christmas. Next time you go in to take your family portrait be sure to include items from all the major religious holidays, that way you only have to use one picture for Christmas and Easter cards.
Talk about thrifty. This family knows what's up. If you thought this was funny, wait till you see what one family on this list did to make their dog feel more included.
